Off the Wall! (John Wall, that is)


Looks like things are starting to turn around for the Washington Wizards organization. In a matter for a few days, they won the # 1 pick in the 2010 NBA Draft and the right to draft John Wall from the fine institution of Kentucky (team GPA: 2.025), and the Wizards decided to do community outreach in response to my sternly worded letter  (I’ll wait for you to read it…… and welcome back!) after I had a less than stellar experience at a game. Well the Wizards are a classy organization and I did in fact get a response from them. 

The # 2 reason to go to a Wizards game.

My letter was dated May 4th, and the response was postmarked May 18th. Not a bad turnaround time considering how busy the team is rolling through the playoffs– wait, sorry, I’m confusing the Wizards with the Boston Celtics again. Anyways, the turnaround time was pretty good, but the real surprise was the letter itself and what it entailed. I have scanned the response, as well as the envelope and what was included with it, and am posting it here to prove that this really happened. 



When we were at the game when the “incident” happened, the Bonesaw and I discussed writing the aforementioned sternly worded letter. After I mailed it, I posted it here and looked to the Bonesaw for his opinion, mostly because I’m insecure and constantly look to him for reaffirmation that what I write is (somewhat) funny. His response was that if I wanted to gain anything out of this (free, of the burrito nature, or otherwise), the letter was too backhanded and harsh and it would most likely get thrown out, if ever even read. He is a wise Bonesaw and made a good point, but my logic was that it’s a big organization and I was directing it to a position that may or may not exist (Director of Burrito Operations & Promotions) so worst case scenario it gets read and thrown out, or not read at all, or I get barred from ever stepping foot in the Verizon Center. It was a risk I was willing to take to show my readers how passionate I am about burritos and writing scathing letters. 

Best case scenario? The letter makes its way to the hands of someone who a) has influence at the Wizards (over burritos that is) b) has a love of burritos (thus the director of burrito operation) c) has a sense of humor and d) has time to write me back because the Wizards were so long ago out of contention. This person then writes me back a funny letter, gives me some free Chipotle stuff, and invites me to a game. Well, in case you didn’t read the letter above…. THAT JUST HAPPENED! 

The # 1 Reason to go to a Wizards game next season

Some highlights from the letter (italics = letter; regular = me): 

“Danny Zollars, Director of Burrito Operations and Promotions (or Senior Director of Game Operations)”

The second title sounds like a downgrade to me.

“…odds aren’t always great that each fan will receive one. That is still not an excuse so I have enclosed 5 burrito coupons (emphasis added) for you (yay!), your friends (Bonesaw), your family (in Mexico) or anyone else you would like to have taste a glorious Chipotle burrito.” 

I like where this guy’s head is at. He doesn’t get caught up in “numbers” or “odds”, but instead realizes that I was transgressed and it needed to be rectified. This is a good start. 

“We would love to host you next season, and it may not be opening night, but we will have you at a game and be happy to deliver a burrito to your seat.” (emphasis added) 

The drafting of John Wall gives me about 30% more of a reason to go to a Wizards game (up from roughly a 2% reason because before it was just to see the other teams… like the Celtics). I used to go to more Wizards games but Gilbert Arenas and I had a bit of a falling out after I gave him the best idea ever for a prank to play on Javaris Crittenton. 

But now? I’m definitely excited to go to more games and participate in this burrito delivery service. These are what dreams are made of. Sitting down, watching a bunch of guys infinitely more athletic than I am playing a game on a hardwood surface, drinking my overpriced beer, yelling constantly, and having beautiful women in Wizards gear deliver me burritos. Maybe I should have asked that they feed it to me too? I’m thinking of getting a crew together for whatever game I can attend and having a bunch of Pino de Gallo paraphernalia printed up. But, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

“Let’s stay in touch and good luck with the blog. You are on to something great (emphasis added) and I now know where I can find the wonderful burritos that I miss after moving from California 4 years ago.” 

Well, I’m glad I included my Chipotle review in my letter. Looks like he knows where it’s at. Maybe I can become the official burrito blog of the Washington Wizards? 

“Once again, thank you for your letter and I hope these coupons suppress your hunger until the Wizards kick off next season.” 

I don’t know Danny, you’re clearly underestimating me. 5 burritos to last me the long, hot DC summer? I do run a burrito blog for goodness sake! 

“P.S. These coupons allow you free guacamole as well as doubling your choice of meat at no extra charge!” 

Sold! Washington Wizards 2010-2011! Count me on the bandwagon! Pino de Gallo: Official Burrito blog of the John Wall led Washington Wizards!


A sternly worded letter….


As most of you know, I am currently a resident of (y)our nation’s capital, Washington District of Columbia. In our delightful little city, we have a semi-professional basketball team: The Washington Wizards (they’ve got uniforms and everything!). About a month ago, I attended a game at the Verizon Center and was not happy with the service (the basketball, not the cell phone; best 3G network in the country!). I decided to put fingers to keyboard and pen to paper to express my dissatisfaction with my experience in the most effective way besides online petitions: letter writing!

I explained who I am and the situation I encountered to the Director of Burrito Operations at the Washington Wizards organization, and I cc’d Chipotle, so they were also aware of the transgression. I printed out and included a copy of my Chipotle review in both envelopes. Below is a picture of the letter and a link to the pdf.

When I hear a response from the Wizards, I will scan that and post it here as well. Enjoy!

letter to wiz